When children are part of the family you’re forming, the wedding is theirs too. Including them thoughtfully helps them feel secure and celebrated.
Roles by age
| Age | Ideas |
|---|---|
| 2–5 | Flower girl, ring bearer, walking with a parent |
| 6–12 | Junior bridesmaid or groomsman, handing out programs, a short reading |
| 13+ | Walking a parent down the aisle, a reading, a toast, witness (where allowed) |
Family vows
After your vows to each other, turn to the children and make a short promise. If they’d like, they can say something back or answer “we do.” Some couples give each child a small keepsake — a pendant, a watch or a letter.
Unity rituals
Blending colored sand from separate jars into one, lighting a candle together, planting a tree, or a handfasting that includes the children’s hands.
Co-parents and feelings
Talk to your children early, listen to their worries, and let them know it’s okay to have mixed feelings. Keep the other parent informed about schedules and roles. Give each child a trusted adult (not you) to go to during the day.
Photos with the children
Schedule family portraits early, while everyone is fresh. Include a few photos of each child with each of you, and one of the whole new family together. Tell your photographer the children’s names.
General information, not legal, medical or financial advice. Confirm details with your vendors, venue, officiant and local authorities.
Questions people ask
How do you include stepchildren in a wedding ceremony?
Invite them into a role that suits them, include family vows or a unity ritual, and talk to them beforehand.
What is a family unity ceremony?
A short ritual — like blending sand or lighting a candle — that includes the children and symbolizes the new family.
Should children stand with the couple during the ceremony?
They can, if they want to. Otherwise, seat them in the front row with a trusted adult and invite them up for family vows or a ritual.
