Choosing and asking
Choose the people you want beside you in 20 years’ photos. Before you ask, know roughly what it will cost them, then ask in person or with a card — and give them room to say no.
Who does what
| Role | Before the wedding | On the day |
|---|---|---|
| Maid/matron of honor | Shower and bachelorette help, dress shopping, emotional support | Holds bouquet, adjusts dress and veil, witness, toast |
| Best man | Bachelor party, outfit coordination | Rings, witness, tip envelopes, toast |
| Bridesmaids & groomsmen | Help with parties and DIY | Greet guests, ushering, dance floor energy, gathering people for photos |
| Flower girl & ring bearer | Rehearsal | Walk before the bride (with a trusted adult nearby) |
The full list, including day-of jobs, is in the maid of honor and best man guide.
Who pays for what
Attendants usually pay for their own outfits and travel. The couple usually pays for bouquets and boutonnières, hair and makeup if it is required, and the rehearsal dinner (or a family does). Guests at bachelor or bachelorette parties usually cover their own costs and share the guest of honor’s.
Kids in the wedding party
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually around 3–8 years old. Give them a seat with their parent right after the walk, a snack, and permission to do it their own way. The flower girl and ring bearer guide has age-by-age ideas.
How to ask them
A handwritten note, a small box with a card, or simply a heartfelt conversation all work. Whatever you choose, tell them honestly what’s involved: the likely costs, the dates you need them, and the jobs you hope they’ll take on. It is kinder to let someone say no early than to stretch them later.
Speeches
The maid of honor and best man traditionally toast at the reception, often after the hosts. Keep each to about three to five minutes, tell one story, and end with a toast. Read the speech guide.
