Wedding gift etiquette: how much to give and what to write

There is no required amount for a wedding gift. Give what fits your budget and your relationship with the couple — and a warm card matters as much as the number.

How much?

Many guests spend roughly $75–$150, and more for close family or close friends. If you’re in the wedding party or traveling far, it’s fine to spend less on the gift itself. Couples giving together often give a little more than a single guest.

Registry, cash or something else?

• Registry: buy from it — the couple chose those things.
• Cash or check: in a card, or through a registry cash fund. Zola found 27% of 2026 couples adding cash funds.
• Experiences: dinner, a class, a museum membership.
• Handmade: only if you’re genuinely skilled.

Showers, engagements and destination weddings

Shower gifts are usually smaller than wedding gifts. Engagement party gifts are optional. For destination weddings, many guests give a modest gift, since travel is a large cost.

Group gifts

Pooling money with friends or coworkers for a bigger registry item is a thoughtful option. Sign one card together, and include everyone’s names so the couple can thank each person.

If you can’t attend

A gift isn’t required when you decline, but many people send one, often a little more modest. A warm card on its own is lovely too.

What to write in the card

• “Wishing you a lifetime of adventures, inside jokes and quiet Sunday mornings.”
• “So happy to celebrate you both. Here’s to a marriage as warm as your wedding.”
• “Welcome to the family — we couldn’t be happier.”

If you can’t attend, send a gift and a card with your regrets and best wishes.